I don't know where to start. Being that it's my first blog or that there's just so much to say I'm just overwhelmed with the words. I guess my story begins the day I decided to put mine and my son's feelings/priorities/well-being first.
I still remember that day. April 8th 2012. My son Jonathan "Jojo" was only a little over a year. My angel. Had no idea what was going on. Well that was the day I finally decided I could no longer handle the emotional and mental abuse that Jonathan's father had overcome me with over the almost 6yrs we were together. I was miserable. The only thing that brought me happiness at that point was my Jojo. I tried my Jojo, I tried to stay in there for you, for us, for us to be a family with daddy, but I was emotionally checked out by then.
So that was the day we separated but it was not the end of our story. Me and Jonathan's father continued to go back and fourth.... and back and fourth.... On again and off again for about 9 months until it was just completely off. But during those on again off again periods Jonathan's father felt the need to continuously go back between me and the other woman. Oh yes... the other woman. Me, the mother of his child was having to compete with this "other woman". Shocker right?
Well let's just say that got old. Finally I just had enough! I remember arguing with Jonathan's father that day, January 20 2013, arguing about him moving back in so we can be a family. Boy would he fight me on this. He didn't want to move in because "he didn't want to move all his stuff again if I decided to kick him out again". Oh really? How about staying faithful and being a family man and dropping the other woman and maybe you wouldn't get kicked out mister! *sigh* makes sense right? (Well clearly later on it made sense why he didn't want to move in, not because of moving in and out but because of the "other woman").
So we were arguing about that, mind you all through text since someone liked to hang up the phone when you tried speaking to them about ongoing issues. At this point I had enough, enough of the excuses, the lies, the arguing, the... everything! He then proceeds to text me... "You know what, I don't want to work this out anymore" the same thing he's texted me numerous times before and then we just ended up getting right back together. But for some reason, and till this day I don't know why, but I never responded, ever. I deleted his number and never texted, called, or spoke to him ever again... That was almost 3yrs ago.
Now that's just the beginning.
So I moved on with my life. Continued forward. Began my new life, just me and my Jojo. It was hard. Definitely not easy. I fell into a deep depression. Being alone, a single mom, supporting you and your child financially and emotionally all by yourself is definitely not at all ideal or easy. I got back into school thinking it would help me move on,... nope! It just brought on stress on top of being depressed, lonely, and scared.
But... I got through it. I finished school in a year and a half while being a full time worker and full time single mom. I sacrificed a lot of time with Jonathan but I got it done, not only for myself but for my Jojo. All the nights I spent crying myself to sleep... I got through it. All the nights i prayed to God to find me a good man and not being answered... I got through it. All the weekends i spent locked in my room being miserable... I got through it. All the anger and bitterness i felt inside... I got through it. All the days I spent crying in my car before and after work, on breaks, before and after school m-f week after week.... I got through it. And no one knowing what I was going through because I needed to keep a smile on my face and make everyone laugh, when really deep down inside.... I was miserable, I was lonely... I was hurt.
So one day it clicked. It all made sense. I thought, maybe I need to stop praying to God to bring me a husband, to stop praying to find me love, and start praying for ME. So I prayed. I prayed to God. I prayed to God to find me happiness inside my heart. To help heal my wounded heart. To help ease my urge to find love so quickly. And God answered! I can honestly say I haven't felt this happy in years. I love myself. I enjoy life now. I'm grateful for my blessings. I'm ok with being alone because I know God will bring me a husband who's worth my love, one day.
A friend once told me "don't rush into looking for love and a relationship, you need to be able to love yourself first before you can ever love someone else" I remember thinking what?! Of course I love myself! That had nothing to do with wanting a relationship!.... Ahh but now i understand. My heart understands. Im happy inside and I get it now. I truly do love myself! The light bulb!
That's my story. I know long. But I'm happy to share my story. I remember feeling all alone during my depression. Feeling like no one knows how I feel or had gone through what I'm going through. And I want readers to know, you're not alone! It's ok to feel that way, this too shall pass. Just remember to stay strong and positive. And let God into your heart. God is great!
Till next time loves!
-Yvette 😘
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